What You Should Know About Your Gay Porn Addiction Habit

Sandra Richardson

Jun 02, 2021

Approximately 5% of American men are primarily attracted to other men — even the ones who are married to women.

Have you started to watch gay porn? How does it make you feel? Does it excite you? Scare you? Sexually arouse you? Does it make you feel icky afterward? What does it mean? Are you heterosexual? Homosexual? Or, something else? And, lastly, do you think you have a gay porn addiction?

If you have developed a habit of viewing gay porn on the internet, in movies, or in magazines, it makes sense that you are confused and a little worried about your sexual orientation. Perhaps, you are not solely heterosexual or homosexual.

Maybe, you are bisexual, pansexual, anthrosexual (a cross between pansexual and bisexual), lithsexual (a physical and emotional attraction towards a person, regardless of whether this feeling is reciprocated, for instance, gay porn stars performing sex acts on a screen), or heteroflexible (a heterosexual person who enjoys a gay romp every once in a while).

The term that encompasses many of these sexual orientations is LGBT or LGBTQ+. These terms involve a variety of labels and definitions used to describe one’s sexuality or sexual orientation. Understand, however, that it is natural and normal to explore or “try out” various sexual identities, desires, and orientations. In fact, it can be a healthy way to learn more about your body and sexual preferences.

However, for many porn users, viewing gay porn can trigger negative emotions (i.e., shame, guilt, embarrassment, depression, anxiety, stress, etc.). And, in some cases, it can lead to suicidal ideation (thoughts and attempts), or social and/or emotional withdrawal from others. If gay porn elicits a pleasurable response in the body, it could cause you to become addicted to it – even if viewing it makes you feel unclean, immoral, or deviant.

Note: Viewing gay porn is usually a progression from or extension of “basic porn” (heterosexual people or actors having sex on screen). It is considered “specialty porn” like “fetish porn” or “BDSM.”

Can Gay Porn Hurt My Health?

Yes, it can.

Too much of anything is never a good thing in the long haul. This even applies to porn or more specifically, gay porn. Although, viewing gay porn is not inherently wrong or unhealthy, when it involves becomes excessive and begins to negatively affect your life, it can quickly become a real problem.

Unbeknownst to many, “excessive porn use” (i.e., “heavy gay porn use”) can impact your mental, emotional, sexual, and physical health. “Heavy porn use,” including “heavy gay porn use,” can lead to poor sexual reactions, low libido, erectile dysfunction (ED), impotence, masturbation addiction, premature ejaculation, sexual performance anxiety, low sexual satisfaction, and/or anorgasmia (in “women porn users”).

“Excessive gay porn use” can also trigger depression, anxiety, feelings of shame and guilt, embarrassment, irritability, social and emotional withdrawal, confusion, mood swings, high blood pressure, headaches/migraines, stomachaches, insomnia, etc.

Note: Porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED) occurs when an increase in dopamine (the “feel-good” hormone) overpowers your brain’s pleasure signals causing sexual dysfunction.

Why Can’t I STOP Watching Gay Porn?

It may take time to ascertain if you are genuinely homosexual or if you simply have a passing interest in or fascination with same-sex sexual activities. If you did not have these types of sexual fantasies, urges, thoughts, or mental images before you started watching gay porn it is likely that this new interest is novelty-seeking activity that does not reflect your true sexual orientation.

Using gay porn or having gay porn urges or fantasies that are not aligned with your natural sexual orientation can be stressful, panic-inducing, anxiety-provoking, and/or depressing. Keep in mind that some “porn users” “test” if they are gay by turning on gay porn and assessing how it makes them feel.

For instance:

  • Does watching gay porn cause you to become sexually aroused?
  • Does viewing gay porn scare you or excite you?
  • Does it cause you to become erect (men) or lubricated (women)?
  • Do you only have orgasms when watching gay porn or do you also orgasm with other forms of porn, such as heterosexual porn, group sex porn, bisexual porn, fetish porn, XXX porn, etc.
  • Does watching gay porn trigger or boost your sexual desire?
  • Do you feel inclined to masturbate while watching gay porn?
  • Does gay porn relieve your stress and anxiety?
  • Do you only watch gay porn when you get bored and want to be entertained?

Many porn users enjoy masturbating to porn because it gives them something to do with their hands once they become sexually aroused. Because it causes a sexually satisfying sensation in the body, these “porn users” keep returning to it. To these individuals, watching gay porn feels like the “high” produced from “doing drugs” or overindulging in alcohol. Ironically, drug and/or alcohol addictions tend to affect the brain’s reward circuity in the same manner as porn addiction, in general, and gay porn, specifically.

However, over time, it may take more to get the same “thrill” from gay porn. This is when “porn users” typically escalate their “porn use” – adding more variety to the mix, masturbating to porn, and/or upping the frequency of the “porn use.”

For some, this is the main cause of “gay porn habits,” that do not truly align with their natural sexual orientations. This is considered a “misalignment,” which can be especially distressing, if you only view gay porn because it is considered “taboo” in some circles.

What should I do in this case?

Well, rebooting your brain may be an option. Rebooting your brain can help you “recover” from your gay porn addiction. In a sense, rebooting allows you to start over – fresh. Your brain gets a “do over” but, keep in mind, that rebooting your brain takes effort, patience, and commitment. It also involves a willingness to change.

How can you reboot your brain?

By changing things.

For instance, installing an anti-porn program (porn-blocking software) on your devices, developing new interests and hobbies, seeking porn addiction treatment, attending porn addiction therapies, like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and/or exposure-response prevention (ERP) therapy, removing porn from your devices, phones, home, computers/laptops, tablets, and car, practicing mindfulness meditation, spending time in nature, supplementing with vitamins, herbs, and/or minerals, using positive affirmations, getting plenty of sleep and exercise, and/or adopting a healthy diet.

Understand, that some men, who are openly gay or even closeted gay, may feel compelled to stick to more “vanilla porn sites” that mainly offer basic heterosexual porn varieties. This can be confusing to people, who do not identify as “heterosexual,” yet feel “forced” to adhere to societal norms. Rebooting the brain can help these “porn users” determine if they truly have an inclination toward gay porn or if after abstaining from it for a while the urges to view it fades or disappear.

The truth is the gay porn industry provides heterosexual “straight” people with a convenient and discreet way to compare and reassure people that they “measure up” anatomically to others. It may be comforting to people, who are conflicted about their sexual orientation to be able to privately evaluate the body parts and genitals of gay porn stars. For instance, a woman may look at gay porn (lesbian or bisexual porn) to compare her breasts to the breasts of other women (female porn stars).

Or, a man may watch gay porn to compare the size of his penis to the penis sizes of the men on the porn sites. Although this may sound odd, this could be viewed as self-exploration or sexual identity formation (in younger individuals). Thus, some people view gay porn as a way to scruntize other’s people’s body parts, primarily because doing so in real life is generally considered socially unacceptable or “taboo.”

Some heterosexual people may watch gay porn because they are secretly gay or because they are simply curious. According to the Office of National Statistics, in 2017, one million UK residents identified as members of the LGBTQ+ community. Experts estimate that this total is higher, but because many gay people fear being labeled, discriminated against, and/or ostracized because of their sexual orientation, many neglect or refuse to report it. These individuals may address their hidden or conflicting feelings by watching gay porn.

Keep in mind that it can be hard to come out as “gay” to friends and loved ones, and even harder to admit that you have a gay porn addiction. Some people, who identify as heterosexual, may become sexually aroused when seeing two same-sex individuals having sex. Thus, watching gay porn could mean you have parts of your sexuality that are unexplored or repressed.

Is It Common for Heterosexual Men and Women to Watch Gay Porn?

Believe it or not, yes, it is.

As prefaced above, not all men and women, who watch gay porn on adult websites, like Pornhub, are gay. Heterosexual “straight” men and women watch gay porn for a variety of reasons. According to a recent study, porn videos featuring two men having sex or engaging in sexual activities are popular amongst heterosexual men.

Thus, researchers have concluded that some heterosexual or “straight” men actually enjoy watching two men frolic in bed together. A Cosmopolitan magazine survey found that approximately 21% of heterosexual men, 96% of bisexual men, and 98% of gay men watch gay porn, while a 2016 Pornhub survey found that 65% of their female “users” also seek out gay porn (male-on-male or female-on-female porn).

Why Do Heterosexual People Watch Gay Porn?

Well, experts highlight several reasons why a heterosexual “straight” man or woman may turn to gay porn for sexual arousal, entertainment, and satisfaction. These reasons include a need or impulse to rebel against “societal norms” and gender stereotypes, a preference for new and exciting sexual acts, images, experiences, etc., and/or a disgust at the way gay people are primarily treated on heterosexual porn sites – as compared to how they are treated on gay porn sites.

For these individuals, gay porn not only offers a fresh perspective of sexuality, but also evens out the power balance, so everyone, regardless of his or her sexual orientation, can express himself or herself in a way that feels natural to him or her. In this case, viewing gay porn is more about “changing things up,” rather than affirming one’s sexual identity.

I Am Addicted to Gay Porn Does That Mean That I Am Gay?

Not necessarily…

A person’s sexuality is not determined by the type of porn he or she watches. In fact, in many cases, the type of porn a person views is largely dependent on what is available. For instance, if the only thing available on a person’s favorite porn site is gay porn, a “porn user” is likely to view this type of porn. Thus, you may be watching gay porn out of curiosity or boredom, and not because you are gay.

Or, perhaps, you are viewing gay porn as a way to “change up” your porn preferences and add spice to your “porn experience,” even though you are heterosexual or “straight.” However, you may be gay and are “testing” the water before you tell friends and family about your sexual orientation. Gay porn could also be a “test run” for how it will feel to accept and acknowledge that you are gay to yourself and others.

Heterosexual men may find gay porn appealing due to its hypermasculine emphasis (i.e., the image of a robust, strong, manly, and muscular man), which is a different perspective than the typical “vanilla porn” (basic heterosexual porn).

What is it Like to Love and Live with Someone with a Gay Porn Addiction?

Living with a partner or spouse, who is addicted to gay porn, can be hard – especially if you had no idea that he or she was interested in or watching this type of porn. If you suddenly find out that your loved one has a “gay porn habit” it can spark mixed emotions, such as confusion, anger, low self-esteem and self-confidence, deep sadness or despair, feelings of betrayal, distrust, hostility, irritability, frustration, self-doubt, body image issues, emotional and/or physical pain, etc.

Listed below is an example of what it feels like to love someone with gay porn addiction:

Christa

“I am a 40-year-old woman, who has been married for five years. I have 4 children, under the age of five. About eight weeks ago, I found out that my husband, Ron, has been chatting with men online, and emailing one man in particular. When I confronted Ron about his “interactions,” he confessed that he had been visiting gay clubs for years – unbeknownst to me. I thought he was just working late those nights, but he was actually at a gay club. On one of those occasions, I was pregnant with our first child.

Apparently, that is when he first started emailing the man – a man he had met that weekend at the club. Ron also told me that he has been addicted to gay porn for over a decade (before we met) and that his “gay porn use” has ramped up in recent years. He confessed that he is now unable to control his urges to view gay porn. Truth be told, I suspected that he was watching porn once the kids and I went to bed, however, I never suspected that he was watching gay porn. Ron swears that he is not gay or bisexual and that he only watches gay porn because he enjoys “risqué” and “taboo” things.

Ron told me he did not realize how much it would hurt me and the kids. He is now attending porn addiction therapy sessions with a therapist, who specializes in gay porn. We have taken steps to remove all gay porn from our home, his car, and his electronic devices. He swears he will do whatever takes to mend our broken family. But I am hesitant. I’m not sure our family can be mended. I am so confused…and depressed. I just do not know what to do and I do not feel comfortable talking about it with friends and family. This is really hard.”

How Can I STOP Watching Gay Porn?

There are several ways you can STOP watching gay porn.

However, the first step is admitting that you have a porn problem. In other words, be honest with yourself. The next step involves figuring out what is causing you to turn to porn, and specifically, gay porn. What is your intention or what is the purpose for seeking this type of porn? It is also important to research how “porn use” and porn addiction can affect a person’s life.

Truth be told, “porn use,” including “gay porn use” only becomes a problem when it starts to negatively affect your quality of life – i.e., relationships, friendships, employment, self-esteem and self-confidence, ability to complete tasks or socialize with peers, or causes your health and well-being to decline.

Understand that too much porn, gay or not, can impair your ability to become sexually aroused or achieve and maintain an erection. More specifically, heavy porn use” of any kind, can lead to an increase in dopamine (the “happy” hormone), causing your brain to connect porn with pleasurable sensations in the body. These pleasurable sensations can cause you to keep returning to porn until you become addicted to it.

Other ways to STOP watching gay porn is to be proactive. In other words, take steps to remove it from your life altogether. For instance, you could install anti-porn blocking programs on your device, research and read books on porn addiction, attend porn addiction support groups, seek porn addiction treatment, talk to someone about your “gay porn use,” find things to keep you busy so you are not actively seeking porn or gay porn, consuming healthy foods, getting plenty of sleep, and adding regular exercise into your daily routine.

You may also want to try mindfulness meditation, yoga, hypnotherapy or hypnosis, journaling, etc. Another great porn addiction treatment option is Stop Together, an online porn addiction recovery program that offers online porn addiction therapy, invaluable resources and tools, and lifelong porn addiction support.