Help! I Think My Son is Addicted to Porn!

A parent’s number one goal is to ensure that his or her child lives a happy, healthy, and productive life. From the moment the child enters the parent’s life, the sole priority of this person is to protect, love, nurture, and guide him or her. So, it can be very disconcerting for a parent to find out that his or her son may be addicted to porn. While viewing porn occasionally is usually no big deal, it can quickly become one if a person’s “porn use” gets out of control.

In other words, if your son is using porn for hours each day and neglecting daily tasks, such as bathing, eating, going to school or work, hanging out with friends, spending time with loved ones, taking care of the household and/or parenting tasks, etc., the best thing you can do for him is to encourage him to seek porn addiction help. Porn addiction treatment can help your son get control of his porn habit and support you as you help him conquer his addiction. The most important thing for you to understand is that you are not alone – even if it feels that way.

Your son’s situation is not hopeless. He can and will recover from his porn addiction – with the right treatment and your love and support, of course. This is just one season in your life and the life of your son, and as such, what you are experiencing is only temporary. In other words, this too shall pass. But, until then, I can offer you some much-needed tips to help you traverse the rocky waters of porn addiction. In this article, you will learn how to help your son cope with his porn addiction, while also practicing self-care. Help is on the way!

What is a Porn Addict?

A porn addict is someone, who is emotionally dependent on porn to the point that it interferes with his or her daily life, relationships, finances, self-esteem and self-confidence, and/or ability to function.

Surprisingly, porn addiction is fairly common throughout the world, but especially in the US. The consensus is that “heavy porn use” falls in the category of “hypersexual conditions.” Hypersexual behaviors may also include excessive masturbation and promiscuity.

According to a 2015 study, 3-6% of people struggle with porn addiction. However, porn addiction is not formally recognized by the American Psychological Association (APA) or the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), so this statistic may be inaccurate due to unreported cases. Some sex experts disavow the notion that porn addiction requires treatment, while others believe that porn addiction warrants consideration and should be officially recognized and included in the DSM-5.

How Will I Know if My Son is Truly Addicted to Porn?

As mentioned above viewing porn is not inherently a problem, however, if viewing porn consumes your son’s life, there is a good possibility that he is suffering from porn addiction. One factor that can help determine how severe your son’s porn infatuation is how he sees his porn use. In other words, the way a porn user views his or her “porn use” and any accompanying consequences can play a part in whether or not, he or she thinks porn addiction help is warranted. However, if you do not know the signs of porn addiction, you will be unable to help your son quit porn.

Listed below are the signs that your son may be suffering from porn addiction:

• Your son no longer finds joy or satisfaction in having sex with a real-life person.
• Your son is experiencing relationship problems – due to his “porn use.”
• Your son is engaging in risky behaviors, such as watching porn on his work computer or while other people are around.
• Your son has stopped performing daily tasks, like washing clothes, going to school or work, or spending time with friends, family, or his significant other, in favor of watching porn.
• Your son’s “porn use” has worsened so that he is now actively searching for more extreme and taboo porn.
• Your son is embarrassed by or ashamed of his “porn use,” but is unable to stop the behavior.
• Your son spends almost all of his hard-earned money on porn – to the detriment of household expenses.
• Your son is self-medicating with porn. In other words, he is using porn to cope with sadness, anxiety, insomnia, or other mental health woes.

What Causes Porn Addiction?

The truth is determining the cause of your son’s porn addiction may be tricky, especially if he does not feel inclined to share what he thinks may have contributed to it. There are several reasons why a person may become addicted to porn, such as his genes, especially if one or more of his family members also have a porn addiction or any type of addiction, environmental factors, such as being around people, who watch porn around him, being exposed to porn at a young age, abusing drugs and alcohol, or being sexually abused as a child.

Loneliness, boredom, or even isolation, for instance, as with COVID, can increase your son’s risk of becoming dependent on porn. it is important to understand that you may never know the exact reason why your son turned to porn, if so, the only thing you can do is help him become “porn-free” the best way you can.

How Can I Help My Son With His Porn Habit?

Fortunately, there are a variety of things you can do to encourage your son to seek porn addiction treatment and support him when he does.

Listed below are tips that can help you help your son with his heavy porn use:

Talk about it.

Truth be told, broaching the subject of porn addiction will not be easy or pleasant. It may be heartbreaking. But it must be done if you want to help your son quick this habit. So, take a couple of deep breaths and sit down with your son when he is in a fairly good mood. Do not make accusatory statements toward him and try to listen to his point of view without judgment or interrupting him.

Your son needs your love and support – not your judgment or criticism. Try to keep your cool and see things from your son’s perspective. And, lastly, show him respect. How would you feel if you were in your son’s position? How would you want to be treated? And, what would you want someone you love to say to you?

Hold Your Son Accountable.

More specifically, hold your son accountable for his actions – or lack thereof. Do not let your son off the hook or enable his behavior. If your son tells you that he is going to seek porn addiction help, make sure that he does so.

Do not make excuses for him, but also do not “bash” him or make him feel worse than he already does. Tell your son that your ultimate goal is to be supportive, but also hold him accountable for his actions.

Explain to him that if he tells you that he is going to do something, like seek porn addiction treatment, reduce his “porn use,” and/or install anti-porn software on his electronic devices, you expect him to do it.

Also, let your son know that you will be checking up on him every day and encourage him to keep a journal to document his day and identify his porn addiction triggers and reactions. Explain to your son that although you cannot take this journey for him, you can walk with him.

Help your son start a new hobby and explore a new interest.

In other words, distract your son so he does not think about porn. Talk with your son and help him identify things. Make a list together of things he would like to try and things that interest him, in general. Then, help him enroll in them or begin them. For instance, if your son has always wanted to learn how to play the guitar, help him look for one to purchase and a place to get guitar lessons.

Help your son price out guitars and guitar lessons so that he gets the best prices. Be excited for your son and offer to purchase your own guitar and take lessons with him. Or, if your son is a “pet lover,” encourage him to volunteer at a local animal rescue, and offer to go with him.

Note: Spending together doing something productive will not only take his mind off of porn but also make your bond stronger.

Become Your Son’s “Workout Buddy.”

Exercise is good for the mind and body and it is a proven “porn distractor.” So, encourage your son to join a gym or athletic team and offer to be his “workout buddy.” Set a time to work out a few times a week.

Purchase workout clothes and, if possible, join a gym. Encourage your son to work on improving himself. Cheer each other on and get some dinner to reward yourselves once you finish your workout session. Addiction experts suggest that working out can mimic the high typically attained from using drugs or viewing porn.

Listen, Show Support and Be Empathetic.

Although, you are probably disappointed in your son’s “porn use,” it is important that you listen to him, show support, and be empathetic to his plight. Your son needs you more now than he probably ever has before. So, be there – unconditionally. Love your son and make sure he feels that love. As I stated above, try to put yourself in his shoes and be compassionate.

Allow your son to tell you what triggered the “porn use” and what has kept it going. Tell your son that you understand where he is coming from and you just want to help him kick the habit. And, let him know that you get it and that you are there for him come hell or high water. Your son will need your love and support to conquer his porn habit.

Encourage your son to seek porn addiction treatment.

When the waters have steadied, encourage your son to seek porn addiction help. Porn addiction typically involves porn addiction therapy – cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and/or exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy. He may also need to seek trauma counseling, addiction counseling, and/or couples or family counseling if he is married with kids.

Keep in mind that it may take a while before your son will commit to porn addiction therapy. Also, understand that a porn addiction therapist may prescribe medication to your son if he or she believes that an underlying health condition is contributing to your son’s “heavy porn use.” Medication is usually the last resort in porn addiction treatment, however, in some cases, it is combined with therapy to quell porn-induced compulsions.

Attend porn addiction support group meetings with your son.

Once your son begins porn addiction treatment, especially porn addiction therapy, offer to attend porn addiction support group meetings with him. If your son is not ready to officially seek porn addiction help for his porn habit, explain to him that he can still attend porn addiction support group meetings even if he is not ready for treatment.

Also, let him know that you will accompany him to the meetings if he does not feel comfortable going alone. The goal of this tip is to show your son that you support him, and to let him know that he is not alone on his journey to becoming “porn-free.”

Be honest with yourself.

What does that mean? It means knowing your limitations and working within them. You cannot make your son quit porn. “Brow-beating” him will not make him seek porn addiction help and may make things worse. You can give your son self-help tools and resources, and encourage him to seek porn addiction therapy, but if he is an adult, it is ultimately his decision. So, be honest with yourself about what you can and cannot do.

Just be there for your son and help him if he asks for help. If your son does not appear to be ready to seek porn addiction treatment, just be there to hold his hand, or a shoulder to cry on. All you can do at this point is be supportive. Do not harbor resentment because it is not time. Your “baby” needs you.

Practice Self-Care.

Truthfully, self-care is probably the last thing on your mind right now. I get it. It would be the last thing on mine as well. However, it is important for your own health and well-being that you do not neglect your own needs during this time. Your son needs you to be at your best if you are going to help him kick his porn habit.

So, make time to do things that bring you joy, such as going out to dinner with friends, trying out a new recipe that you found, starting a new exercise routine or hobby, volunteering at an animal shelter or nonprofit organization, like the Red Cross, or just relaxing and “vegging out” to an enticing Netflix series, like Stranger Things.

Even taking a relaxing bath at the end of a long day can help revitalize you, so you are prepared to help your son battle his porn addiction. But understand that you cannot help your son if you are running on half a tank of gas. So, do not forget to eat, sleep, and relax. Why? Because that is the only way you can be the best version of yourself for your son.

If your son simply is not ready to seek porn addiction help or try anything formal to combat his porn addiction, suggest an alternative route.

Wait! What does that mean? It means trying something different that could help your son with his porn addiction. What would this look like? Well, this could entail trying hypnosis, developing healthy coping skills and strategies, supplementing with vitamins, minerals, and herbs, engaging in mindfulness meditation, reading books on porn addiction, or even enrolling in an online porn addiction recovery program, like Stop Together.

Stop Together can provide your son with the resources he needs to successfully conquer his porn habit. This online program offers a wide range of self-tools, such as an extensive library of porn addiction content, therapists, who have been trained in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), audio recordings, and so much more!

With the right treatment, your son can kick his porn habit, but it will take time, effort, persistence, acceptance, and commitment to do so. There is light at the end of the tunnel and success at the end of the journey. All hope is not lost, in fact, the purpose of this article is to help that hope grow stronger.

So, The Best Thing I Can Do for My Son is to Be Patient and Try the Tips Listed in This Article?

Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. Patience, support, empathy, unconditional love, respect, resources, tools, and commitment or the keys to helping your son successfully beat his addiction. If you can do these things for your son, the sky is the limit!

References

• Stokes, M. (2022). Porn Addiction – Is it real and what to do about it? Between Us Clinic. Retrieved from https://www.betweenusclinic.com/compulsive-sexual-behavior-disorder/porn-addiction/
• Laurent, K., Aline, W., Aviv, W., et al. (2014). Sexual addiction or hypersexual disorder: different terms for the same problem? A review of the literature. Current Pharmaceutical Design, 20(25), 4012-4020. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.2174/13816128113199990619
• Ohwovoriole, T. (2022). What is hypersexuality? Verywellmind. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/hypersexuality-definition-symptoms-treatment-5199535#citation-1
• Villines, Z. (2021). What to know about porn addiction. Medical News Today. Retrieved from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/porn-addiction
• Grubbs, J. B., & Kraus, S. W. (2021). Pornography use and psychological science: A call for consideration. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 30(1), 68-75. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721420979594
• Harvard Health. (n.d.). Can exercise help conquer addiction? Harvard Medical School. Retrieved from https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/can-exercise-help-conquer-addiction-2018122615641